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jul16-14-hbr-laura-schneider-communication-02
Laura Schneider for HBR

Chances are you lot call back you're a good listener.  People's appraisal of their listening power is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the cracking bulk of adults call back they're above average.

In our experience, most people retrieve expert listening comes down to doing three things:

  • Non talking when others are speaking
  • Letting others know you're listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds ("Mmm-hmm")
  • Being able to echo what others take said, practically word-for-word

In fact, much management communication on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging listeners to remain serenity, nod and "mm-hmm" encouragingly, and so repeat back to the talker something like, "So, permit me make certain I understand. What yous're proverb is…" However, recent research that nosotros conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing skilful listening skills.

We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development programme designed to help managers become amend coaches. As office of this plan, their coaching skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments. We identified those who were perceived equally being the most effective listeners (the top v%). We then compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference.  With those results in paw we identified the differences between great and boilerplate listeners and analyzed the information to determine what characteristics their colleagues identified every bit the behaviors that fabricated them outstanding listeners.

We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities nosotros expected to hear. We grouped them into 4 chief findings:

  • Good listening is much more than than being silent while the other person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do and then in a effective way. Sitting at that place silently nodding does not provide certain evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well plenty to  want additional information. Skilful listening was consistently seen equally a ii-way dialog, rather than a one-fashion "speaker versus hearer" interaction. The best conversations were agile.
  • Good listening included interactions that build a person'due south cocky-esteem. The all-time listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn't happen when the listener is passive (or, for that thing, critical!). Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly.
  • Proficient listening was seen every bit a cooperative conversation. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither political party condign defensive nearly comments the other made. By contrast, poor listeners were seen every bit competitive — as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence every bit a chance to fix their next response. That might make you an splendid debater, but it doesn't brand you lot a good listener. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, only the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to aid, not wanting to win an statement.
  • Practiced listeners tended to brand suggestions . Proficient listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would have and that opened up alternative paths to consider. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it'due south not uncommon to hear complaints that "And then-and-and then didn't mind, he just jumped in and tried to solve the trouble." Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may exist the skill with which those suggestions are made. Some other possibility is that we're more than likely to accept suggestions from people we already retrieve are skilful listeners. (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and so jumps in with a proffer may not be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or disquisitional and and so tries to requite advice may not be seen as trustworthy.)

While many of usa have thought of beingness a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is maxim, instead, what these findings show is that proficient listeners are similar trampolines. They are someone you tin bounce ideas off of — and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They make yous experience better not merely passively absorbing, merely by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline.

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Of course, there are different levels of listening. Not every conversation requires the highest levels of listening, just many conversations would benefit from greater focus and listening skill. Consider which level of listening you'd like to aim for:

Level i: The listener creates a safe environment in which difficult, complex, or emotional bug can be discussed.

Level 2: The listener clears away distractions similar phones and laptops, focusing attention on the other person and making advisable eye-contact.  (This  behavior not only affects how you are perceived as the listener; it immediately influences the listener's own attitudes and inner feelings.  Acting the office changes how you experience within. This in turn makes you lot a improve listener.)

Level iii: The listener seeks to sympathize the substance of what the other person is maxim.  They capture ideas, ask questions, and recapitulate bug to confirm that their understanding is correct.

Level 4: The listener observes nonbverbal cues, such equally facial expressions, perspiration, respiration rates, gestures, posture, and numerous other subtle torso language signals.  It is estimated that lxxx% of what we communicate comes from these signals. It sounds strange to some, but you listen with your optics as well as your ears.

Level 5: The listener increasingly understands the other person'due south emotions and feelings most the topic at hand, and identifies and acknowledges them. The listener empathizes with and validates those feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.

Level half-dozen: The listener asks questions that clarify assumptions the other person holds and helps the other person to see the event in a new light.  This could include the listener injecting some thoughts and ideas most the topic that could be useful to the other person.  Nonetheless, skilful listeners never highjack the conversation and then that they or their issues go the bailiwick of the discussion.

Each of the levels builds on the others; thus, if y'all've been criticized (for example) for offering solutions rather than listening, it may mean you need to attend to some of the other levels (such every bit clearing away distractions or empathizing) before your proffered suggestions can be appreciated.

We suspect that in existence a expert listener, nearly of us are more likely to cease brusk rather than go too far. Our promise is that this research will help by providing a new perspective on listening.  Nosotros promise those who labor under an illusion of superiority about their listening skills will run across where they really stand up. We also hope the common perception that good listening is mainly virtually interim like an absorbent sponge will wane.  Finally, nosotros hope all will see that the highest and all-time form of listening comes in playing the same role for the other person that a trampoline plays for a child. It gives energy, acceleration, height and amplification. These are the hallmarks of great listening.